Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize