At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
