Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
