my text book just quoted the cookie monster
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize