Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
