Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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