Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
