i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
