i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
