there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
