Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
