i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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