Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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