I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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