I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize