By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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