i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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