I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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