the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
