Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
