Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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