I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
