Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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