Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
