Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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