Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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