Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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