based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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