Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
