I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
