1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
