so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
