Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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