and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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