Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
