Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
