its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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