I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you inspire me to be a worse person
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
