Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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