Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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