this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
