I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A bitchslap is in order.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
