His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
