Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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