Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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