So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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