dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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