i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
