All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
