Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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