I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
