thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
