Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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