So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
