I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
