I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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