even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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