well you can't waste a boner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
