Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize