Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
