I'm eating all of the evidence.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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