Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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