True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
