There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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