Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
