Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize