Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
