hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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