this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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