I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
