My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize