I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
