Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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