girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
