2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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