Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
