as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize