i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
