I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
