My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
