I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
