I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
