Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
