i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
