The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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