her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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