I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize