i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
