He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
