I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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