you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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