So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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