Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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