i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
